Der Haustafeln -Colossians 3:18-25

 As Paul continues to deliver practical instructions toward living out the Christ-centered life in Colossians, he speaks directly to the Christian household in chapter 3 verses 18-25. This is one example of several in the New Testament of what is called a haustafeln. “Haustafeln” is the German word for “house table” and applied to the New Testament this label calls to mind those passages that provide codes on Christian home life—passages like Ephesians 5:22-6:9; 1 Peter 2:13-37; and Colossians 3:18ff. Both Peter and Paul demonstrate in these passages that Christianity is not something that is exercised exclusively in the Church or in the privacy of one’s own thoughts; it is lived out in the home. After all, the first institution God established in the history of the world was a marriage and family (preceding even the church or the state). Living out the Christian life at home will not only serve us well in our families; it will shine as an example in a world where the family unit is in utter shambles and under constant assault.

1. For Wives-3:18

As Paul instructs the Christian household, he begins by addressing wives—“Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord,…” (3:18). This command for wives exists consistently in the New Testament guidelines on the Christian home life (see Eph 5:22), demonstrating a uniformity concerning this call. However, to understand what this call means, one must understand how this command operates in the New Testament. There appears to be a difference in the specific nuance of the term dependent on the voice in which it occurs. If the command to “submit” is in the active voice, the power to subject belongs to God himself (see 1 Cor. 15:24-28; Phil. 3:21—“who will transform the body of our lowly condition into conformity with His glorious body, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.”; Rom. 8:20—“For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope”; Eph. 1:21-22). When the verb occurs in the middle voice (as it does here), it describes a voluntary submission which resembles that of Christian humility. Examples of this kind of submission abound. It is witnessed in church members submitting to one another (Eph. 5:21—“For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope”), believers submitting in the exercise of their own spiritual gifts (1 Cor. 14:32), and even Christ’s voluntary submission to God the Father (1 Cor. 15:58). Here, in the context of marriage, wives are called of God to submit to the design that God has established in the household and to, like Christ, submit to the leadership and headship of the husband.

One important note on this calling, in connection to the rest of the passage, is the difference between this command for wives and the coming commands for children and servants. Children and servants are called later to obey; the wife is not. “Submission is voluntarily assuming a particular role because it is right…Submission demands obedience as a pattern, but there are times in which obedience to a husband may become disobedience to God. By using the word ‘submit,’ Paul separated the kind of obedience expected by the wife from that expected of others. The wife has a very different relationship to her husband than children to parents or slaves to masters” (Melick, Philippians, Colossians, Philemon, 312).

What ought to motivate this voluntary adherence to a divinely-designed role and practice in the context of marriage? The answer is a willingness to please Lord—“as unto the Lord.” Godly submission, rightly understood, comes from the overflow of one’s relationship with God and ultimately out of submission to his lordship, will, and design. Voluntary submission to God’s design in the home is one component of the Christian household and the wives in that household play an integral role in that order as they seek to accomplish God’s will.

Interested in what you could do to submit well in the context to your marriage? Try prolific words of affirmation and encouragement. Consider thanking your husband for all that he does often and commend his leadership whenever and wherever appropriate. Pray fervently for God to bless and direct your husband and, in whatever way makes sense, let him know that you are always in his corner, ready to lend your support.  

2. For Husbands-3:19

Husbands, for their part, are commanded to “love [their] wives” (3:19a). This simple command is a uniquely Christian calling for husbands to sacrificially give of themselves for the spiritual and practical well-being of their wives. If you think I am reading too much into a single word here, Ephesians 5:25ff helps us with a more complete picture of what this ought to look like.

Ephesians 5:25-30-“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are parts of His body.”

To be sure, in any God-honoring marriage, a husband’s loving, caring, sacrificial approach to his wife’s spiritual and practical well-being ought to enhance her willingness and ability to submit to his leadership. Similarly, a wife’s voluntary recognition of her husband’s role of leadership ought to inspire and inform, at least in part, his love toward her.

As Paul continues his instructions to husbands, he follows up the positive command to love well with a prohibition—“and do not be embittered against them” (3:19b). The verb means “to have bitter resentment or hatred toward someone else” (Louw & Nida)—i.e. the opposite of “love” mentioned earlier. It is the husband’s responsibility to see to it that bitterness does not develop in the marriage. Husbands do well to prevent such bitterness from taking root by loving their wives well.

Before the reader moves on to look at further commands concerning the Christian household, let us consider how both the calling for the wife and the husband help each party look more like Christ. The wives’ call to submit in its own way helps them resemble Jesus who submitted consistently to the Father. The husband’s call to love his wife sacrificially calls to mind how Jesus sacrificially loved the church and gave himself up for her. Therefore, these callings do not just help establish a healthy order in the context of the home, but they also cultivate a compelling witness of who Jesus is to an unbelieving world. In other words, dear sir or ma’am, how you relate to your spouse testifies to what you believe about Jesus! Take it seriously!

Husbands, want to answer this call and love your wife in a way that helps their spiritual well-being? Try praying with her, studying God’s Word with her, taking time to be affectionate toward her (even/especially when you could be doing something else). Such investments of love honor the Lord, enrich a marriage, and will go a long way in encouraging a Christian household.

3. For Children-3:20

Children, you are not off the hook! Mommy and daddy don’t just have work to do, so do you! Paul continues with “children, be obedient to our parents in all things,…” (3:20a). Take a moment to appreciate that children were expected to be in the audience that Paul addressed here in Colossae. Paul anticipated having the ears of children and addresses them directly, helping us to answer whether or not it is worthwhile for children to attend church and hear the preaching of God’s Word.

Paul’s command for children to “obey”/”be obedient” to their parents is stronger than what was addressed to wives earlier. The text reinforces this by using the phrase “in all things.” Here, obedience is commanded and expected. In Ephesians 6:2-3, Paul even stated that in obeying, children were fulfilling the law and were qualified to receive God’s promise.

Ephesians 6:2-3-“Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may turn out well for you, and that you may live long on the earth.”

Similar to the calling given to wives, the motivation for a child’s obedience to his/her mom and dad involves whom is ultimately in view—"for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (3:20b). “To be pleasing to the Lord as Christians, [children] should obey their parents” (Melick, Philippians, Colossians, Philemon, 315).

Kids, if you want to be obedient to God and for it to go well for you, immediate obedience to our parents is what is required. This means “Yes sir” and “Yes Ma’am” ought to be heard when they ask something of you. More often than not, whatever they ask of you is for your own good, even if you can’t see it or if it isn’t what you may want to do at the time.  

4. For Fathers-3:21

Next, Paul addresses the parents and their responsibility in relationship their children—“Fathers, do not exasperate your children,…” (3:21). Paul’s use of the term “fathers” (patereV) certainly highlights the dad’s role in the lives and well-being of his children and yet doesn’t totally dismiss the mothers as the plural form of the noun certainly would have included moms in the command. It is both parent’s responsibility not to “exasperate” their children. What does this mean? The term means to “embitter” and/or “irritate” toward resentment. It is used only here and in 2 Corinthians 9:2-“for I know your readiness of which I boast about you to the Macedonians, namely, that Achaia has been prepared since last year, and your zeal has stirred up most of them.” There, “stirred up” is the translation. So how might a parent “stir up” or “exasperate” their child toward resentment? Parents might embitter their children by constantly picking at them or by refusing to acknowledge their efforts (Melick, Philippians, Colossians, Philemon, 315).

Another clue that might help readers understand what is meant in this command is found in the reason given for it in the second half of verse 21—“so that they will not lose heart” (3:21b). The fact that children could become discouraged if/when embittered suggests that the parents may have too easily, either consciously or subconsciously, implied through their words or actions that they were not good enough. A household in which the children have lost heart and have become embittered is not the sign of a healthy Christian home. It is the parent’s responsibility to see to it that incessant nagging and/or knit-picking doesn’t lead down the path toward discouragement in the lives of their children.

Helpful tips to that include might include the following: 1) Celebrate the motivation with which children does things more than the execution (it may not be perfect, but they did try so very hard), 2) Be quicker to give compliments than criticisms, 3) frame necessary discipline with love, 4) choose the battles to engage in well, 5) commend progress rather than demand perfection. These are just some things to consider as parents seek to cultivate a Christian home.

5. For Servants-3:22

The next command is addressed to servants/slaves—“Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth,…” (3:22a). This is the first of the commands that may not resonate as easily today as it may have in the first century. While certainly wives, husbands, children, and parents are represented in this room, I doubt we have any slaves here today (and thank goodness). However, this was another group that Paul no doubt expected to be listening to the reading of this letter in the church at Colossae. You see, slavery in the ancient Roman world was a very large institution. Some speculate that 40% of the Roman citizenship was in some form of servitude. Such servitude did not look like it did in the 18^th and 19^th centuries in America. Instead, it was a status that many voluntarily enlisted in to pay off a debt. For others, it was an acceptable way to live long term. Paul probably expected that several in his original audience belonged to the servant class and therefore has a calling for them in the context of the Christian home—“obey those who are your masters on earth” (3:22a).

The obedience that is demanded is one that goes beyond outward compliance. Paul continues and says that the obedience that ought to be seen in the lives of Christian servants is “not [merely] with external service, as those who merely please men,” (3:22b). Anybody can go through the motions—believers should do better.

Christian servants ought to serve “with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (3:22c). Here again, as with so many of the other commands given, the ultimate direction/destination of the service, posture, or action performed is heavenward. Servants are to serve as those who are serving the Lord in addition to those who might prove to be their masters. While upon the earthly master’s absence, the servant might get away with procrastinating on the job or only putting in half an effort, there is a Master who sees all. “All of life was to be lived with a conscious realization of the Master” (Melick, Philippians, Colossians, Philemon, 317). This type of heavenly-directed and spiritually-motivated service would have shined bright as an example before others, especially in the first century.

6. For Everyone-3:23-25

Not a wife? Husband? Father? Mother? Child? Or slave today? No problem, Paul has a word for everyone in the Christian community in this passage. The apostle closes with a general command that certainly applied to the servants in the audience, but also applies to anyone who claims the name of Christ—“Whatever you do, do your work heartily as for the Lord rather than for men” (3:23). Whatever one does ought to be executed “out of the soul” (ek yuchV) (or “heartily”). Work, in other words, should be more than a manifestation of talent, skill, and physical exertion; it should also indicate something of the very essence of a person—an expression of who they are. Something of who a person is ought to be seen in the work they accomplish—whatever that work may be!

Such work also ought to be ultimately directed to the Lord, rather than men. Christians toil, perform, effort, and expend energy primarily and finally for an audience of one—the Lord God.

After all, as Paul acknowledges in verse 24, it is the Lord that will ultimately reward his people—“knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance” (2:24a). Believers ought to employ themselves to whatever they have been tasked with or called to do, not with the paycheck in mind, but with the inheritance and good pleasure of the Lord in mind. This is the first motivation that ought to guide everything a believer does in service.

A second guiding motivation for service is the sovereignty of the Lord. A serving believer should recognize that, as Paul says, “it is the Lord Christ whom you serve” (2:24b). As Paul said in 3:17, “Whatever you do in word or in deed, do all for the glory of God!”

The third and final motivating factor behind services rendered is given in verse 25—“for he who does wrong will receive the consequences for the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality” (2:25). Poor work will be judged accordingly, perhaps by masters on earth, but ultimately by the Master of all in heaven. This should propel God’s people everywhere to serve well in whatever God has given them to do.

Here are some helpful tips toward serving well as God’s people in whatever we do: 1) surrender your schedule and everything in it to the Lord at the beginning of each day, 2) pray before each and every task, asking the Lord to empower you and ultimately be glorified by what is accomplished, 3) give God the credit and thanks at the end of each day for using you however he saw fit.

So What?

These instructions given to various parties work together to cultivate good Christian homes, not for their own sakes, but for the glory of God. The way that we relate to each other in the context of the family and serve in whatever God has given us to do should draw attention to the Lord Jesus Christ. Which of these instructions applies most to you? Which of the helpful tips do you need to employ ma’am, sir, little one? Though growth as wives, husbands, children, parents, servants, etc. is certainly a process, choose today to take one step in the right direction so that your home looks more like God intends for it to look—a Christian haustafeln.